WELLBEING ADVICE COLUMN
anger
october 25, 2022
We’ve been taught that we’re not allowed to feel angry. We’re told that if we are angry we’ll harm ourselves or others. There is another option – discovering safe ways to ventilate and process our anger.
In our wellbeing advice column, All Hands and Hearts’ (AHAH) Director of Wellbeing responds to an AHAH team member who writes in for advice on dealing with anger.
“I’ve been feeling stuck dealing with my anger. I’m afraid that if anyone knows that I’m angry, then they’ll report me, avoid me or I’ll lose my job. It can feel really overwhelming to take care of all of my responsibilities while I’m seething inside.
Are there any options for what I can do with these feelings? How can I process my anger?“
I appreciate your willingness to write in with your experience about such an important topic. Everyone feels anger, however, it really seems to be vilified; people try to deny it and hide it away, which makes things worse.
How often have you, or others, been called names and told you’re crazy and unstable if you’re angry? Societal and cultural norms seek to stifle our right to feel and express anger. People who are actually abusive and who scapegoat, will in fact blame us for their anger, yet will play the victim themselves should we express indignation or enforce healthy boundaries.
Allowing anger to sit within us can be like leaving food to rot in a box. Any nutritious food we add to the box will become tainted and rot as well. You have permission to empty your inner anger box. You have the right to experience your anger and to release it safely. The only way is through.
I suggest trying out these activities to safely express your anger. Absolutely feel free to circle back around to me and let me know how these worked for you.
SAFE EXPRESSION OF ANGER ACTIVITIES
Note: Prior to trying any of these activities, first take a deep breath and allow yourself to get in touch with your anger. Ensure that you are in a place where no one else will be exposed to your safe expressions of anger.
PHYSICAL EXPRESSION
Go into a room or closet where you feel safe:
- SCREAM and YELL
- Allow yourself to fully empty all of your stifled rage.
Tape a name, picture, or a venting letter that represents the situation you’re angry about onto a pillow:
- Punch, throw or hit the pillow against a stable, physically resilient, and unbreakable object i.e. a wall, bed or door frame
Use a permanent marker and write what is enraging you on old chipped or cracked plates, bowls, or cups.
- Smash them in a dumpster, fire pit or another location where it will not harm you, another person, or the environment, presently or in the future.
Write on separate pieces of paper all of the things that are causing you to feel angry:
- Tear the papers angrily or crumple them adamantly into balls
- Throw the balls against a wall, then into the trash, a recycle bin or burn them
SUGGESTED AFFIRMATION
Consider saying the following affirmation on a daily basis or a frequency that feels most helpful to you.
“I allow myself to feel and express my anger safely”
JOURNAL CUE
Write about how you’ve processed your anger in the past.
Write about how this experience was for you.
List ten additional ways you would like to try to express your anger in a safe way.
Thank you for sharing your concerns and struggles about feeling and expressing anger. Remember that you are not alone; there are many people who struggle with these same challenges.
Please contact me if you need support and are concerned that your anger is affecting others, impacting your capacities or causing you to feel physically or mentally ill.
Thank you for your courage to reach out and share your question!
